Sarah Noodles

You know how they say rapists and murderers take a recording of a baby crying and play it outside a window to lure women out of their houses? What if they did the same thing with cats meowing? Because there’s a cat meowing right outside our window right now and naturally, that is the first I think of.

Or, ya know, maybe it’s just…a cat meowing.

I found myself yelling at that makeup remover commercial with Jennifer Garner, insisting my makeup remover is not only just as good, but better. Until I realized the makeup remover she’s promoting is mine.

And to answer your question, yes. I’m officially changing the title of this blog to “Sarah Reacts to Commercials”.

I don’t care about Shannon Doherty in the slightest, but there was something so depressing about watching her promote online college on a commercial at 1:30am.

Just…retire Shannon. Have some dignity.

Been kinda MIA on a blog-level.

Just a quick update on my clinicals:

• I just finished my second week/4th night.

• I’m starting to feel a little less so dang nervous I want to barf.

• I think I’m getting the hang of hooking up patients with a million wires and electrodes.

• 12 hour night shifts are much more doable than they sound.

• 12 hour night shifts mean a LOT of coffee.

• 12 hour night shifts also mean a lot of Queen sing-alongs.

• I’m pretty awesome at the looking at hundreds and hundreds of pages of brain waves and determining what sleep stage it is. Also known as “scoring” the study.

• My trainer is a crazy person.

• 12 hour night shifts mean lots of fake accents.

• I hear so many weird snores and sounds coming from people on a nightly basis.

• There is SO MUCH more to do and get done before leaving in the morning than you would think, at the lab I’m at in particular.

• My trainer is a crazy person.

• Every patient so far has been extremely nice. I’m waiting for my inevitable awful patient who will make me want to quit.

• 12 hour night shifts mean a lot of spontaneous jump kicks to stay awake.

• The more I work my sleep job, the more I hate my government job, and the more I want to quit, but then the more I realize I’m broke, so then the more I need to suck it up.

• Scrubs are the comfiest ever. It’s like wearing pajamas to work.

Being a person.

Being a person means we’re capable of doing and seeing and feeling so much good. We’re free to have unbelievable experiences. The kind we may feel we’re not worthy of, they’re so unreal. We have the luxury to even alter them to suit our fancies. Humans are so spoiled in that we breathe and eat and drink to survive, like every other living thing. But we can actually use our amazingly built brains to make choices or have some kind of plan to follow through on or hold precious memories. Being a person is the greatest privilege we could ever have gotten. We’re capable of having so much goodness and happiness and love pass in and out of our lives. Sometimes those things may even come one day and never ever leave us. Wonderful things happen to millions and millions of people each day. It’s ridiculously breath-taking when I try to imagine it all at once. It’s like…somebody giving you a million dollars just for being a functioning human. We’re so rewarded every single day just for being alive.

But being a person also means we are the main target for the opposite of all of that. We’re able to feel so much heartache. So much disappointment. So much badness…that it can completely break those same millions and millions of people down each day. It can drive people into depression and apathy and complete debilitation. All it takes is one thing. One single event to turn it all around for us. And honestly, sometimes I hear the most tragic things happening to the most innocent and unsuspecting people, that their anguish is somehow carried over to me. I guess that’s the price of empathy, though. But to see as much pain as we do sometimes, especially when it’s so close to home, can almost make everything I mentioned earlier seem like it’s not worth anything. Like life isn’t worth one single thing. Which is the biggest lie we could ever tell ourselves.

Being a person is one big fat giant catch-22. All of the incredible things Life brings to us that can make us the happiest that we as individuals can ever be, could just as easily be taken away in an instant because of Life. It’s ironic. But time and unforeseen occurrence befall us all. We know this. It’s cemented into our brains. It’s reality. But it still hurts.

So it comes down to a fight. We must grab all of these precious, excellent things that can be thrown in our direction at any time. We have to turn them into something real to us. Something concrete. And we must remember them no matter what. We must cherish them. They are diamonds among a heaping pile of rocks. Rare and beautiful. We must hold them so tight as to not lose or forget them when the inevitable happens; when the world tries to take them back, scratching and clawing at our palms for them, knowing how valuable they are. The world is going to kick us in the face so many times to distract us from them. The world may even beat us to the point where we can’t stand up. But do not open your hands. Hold the good tight. Don’t let the good slip away. Not even through the creases of your fingers.

Clench your fist until it hurts, for as long as it takes. Because you have the assurance you will be able to relax your hand once again.